An 'anonymous source' has sent BEARD Hockey officials their unique takes on what's gone down in the Dispersal Draft so far. Hot takes incoming!
Hello to all General Managers from across the BEARD Hockey league!
Now that we have hit a point where the bread and butter of every team is visible and we start moving into the "farm-fill" stage of the draft, I (BEARD Hockey officials state they have NO idea who this is!) have decided to write an article detailing the highs and lows for each team.
This 4 part feature is not meant to be taken too seriously. So please...relax and enjoy the read!
Article 1 of 4: THE ATLANTIC DIVISION
Best pick: Mike Hoffman, Round 9 - Rough contract, but 'Hoff' really turns Boston's offence into an absolute force.
Worst Pick: John Marino, Round 5 - A good player, but GM Tye Graczyk may have jumped the gun and could've had a player like this later on.
Team Spirit Animal: Care-Bear - This team is cuddly and cute and disturbingly powerful. But where's the grit?
Tampa Bay Lightning
Best pick: Dougie Hamilton, Round 2 - The Alex Ovechkin, Jr. of defensemen. He can do it all!
Worst Pick: Mackenzie Blackwood, Round 3 - Perhaps GM Tyler Hetherington owed Blackwood a solid? Better than an auto-pick, but wait a round or two more for this one.
Team Spirit Animal: Gold Plated Poodle - Hetherington has committed too much salary not to have better offensive scoring depth.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Best pick: Ryan Strome, Round 8 - How was GM Sean Hanley able to nab a top-2 centre that can play the wing for $5 million this late?
Worst Pick: Nino Niederreiter, Round 14 - What the Leafs did not need at this point was yet another upcoming UFA.
Team Spirit Animal: Sub-Arctic Porcupine - When Jaden Schwartz is your projected top scorer, the future looks icy.
Best pick: Dominik Kubalik, Round 5 - Players like Kubalik were hot commodities long before this pick was made.
Worst Pick: Esa Lindell, Round 2 - Great player, but a stay-at-home defenseman this early?
Team Spirit Animal: Army Ant - GM Trevor Cook has built a solid team around 'Queen' Panarin. What if the Queen dies though?
Best pick: Evgeni Malkin, Round 4 - GM Matt Jackson could win Manager of the Year for this pick alone.
Worst Pick: Jack Hughes, Round 2 - His BEARD future is questionable, just like his NHL future.
Team Spirit Animal: French Owl - Not one for interacting with others, Jackson has drafted a team with no expiring contracts. That tells me that management fears the player agent!
Best pick: - Eric Staal, Round 12 - GM Thomas Gidlow got his team a much-needed full-blown top-line centre...in round 12!
Worst Pick: Gabriel Landeskog, Round 2 - If John Tavares is still available here, and you pick Landeskog...
Team Spirit Animal: Noble Buffalo - Honest and hard-working, this is a team to watch out for. But is anybody going to be excited about them enough to buy a ticket?
Best pick: Anthony Duclair, Round 9 - A multi-positional, young, cheap sniper in round 9! GM Mike Bell can pop the cork on this pick!
Worst Pick: Justin Faulk, Round 7 - Missed opportunity here. Look at who else could have been taken in this round instead.
Team Spirit Animal: Ministerial Flamingo - This team is well balanced, but will it be able to kill penalties?
Detroit Red Wings
Best pick: Andrei Vasilevskiy, Round 1 - BEARD Hockey's future three-peating Vezina winner.
Worst Pick: Linus Ullmark, Round 9 - I get the feeling if his name was Lance McLean he would still be undrafted. GM Mathias Lundgren might have let his nationalism influence this pick.
Team Spirit Animal: Ikea Monkey - Remember the Ikea Monkey? This team is awesome and is loved by it's owner. But is it's owner really taking care of it properly?
Stay tuned for Part 2 - the Metropolitan Division!