An 'anonymous source' continues their unique takes on what's gone down in the BEARD Hockey Dispersal Draft so far. Hot takes below!
Hello to all General Managers from across the BEARD Hockey league!
Now that we have hit a point where the bread and butter of every team is visible and we start moving into the "farm-fill" stage of the draft, I (BEARD Hockey officials state they have NO idea who this is!) have decided to write an article detailing the highs and lows for each team.
This 4 part feature is not meant to be taken too seriously. So please...relax and enjoy the read!
Article 2 of 4: THE METRO DIVISION
Best pick: Jakub Vrana, Round 4 - Vrana is skilled, young, and relatively cheap. Make that pick all day long!
Worst Pick: Ryan Ellis, Round 3 - Great player, but way too early for GM Shawn Davis to go after an upcoming UFA.
Team Spirit Animal: Olaf from Frozen - Very offensive, but with Lars Eller and Jake Muzzin as your team's bad boys, like Olaf, this team isn't very physically threatening.
Best pick: Jusse Saros, Round 5 - A bonified starting goaltender that is young and cheap, all in round 5. SEXY MOVE.
Worst Pick: Nathan McKinnon, Round 1 - Overrated talent. Hopefully this isn't the story of GM Eric Wolf's entire team.
Team Spirit Animal: Man-sized Hummingbird - This team is cute and demands your attention. But when you look close, it's letting it's wings do all of the work.
Best pick: Roope Hintz, Round 5 - "Mr. Everything" Roope Hintz. The ultimate high-skill utility player...in round 5!
Worst Pick: Kaapo Kakko, Round 3 - On a team filled with youth, GM Matt Swackhammer did it again...4 rounds earlier than necessary.
Team Spirit Animal: The Coincidental Penguin - Penguins wear black suits, and that is fitting because the funeral is just beginning for Pittsburgh's first season.
Best pick: John Tavares, Round 2 - Maximized his contract and got his top line centre.
Worst Pick: Torey Krug, Round 3 - GM Jay Williams must have felt strange making two great picks in a row, and felt the need to balance it out?
Team Spirit Animal: Freshly Shampoo'd Border Collie - You want to love it, but you just know it's going to get really hard not to blow this thing up in a few months.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Best pick: Erik Karlsson, Round 6 - Contract aside, he could've gone in Round 1.
Worst Pick: Rasmus Dahlin, Round 2 - Me thinks GM Mike Logan might have made this pick a wee bit early.
Team Spirit Animal: Great Northern Parrot - RRRAH, Erik wants a contract, RRRAH, J.T. wants a contract, RRRAH, Sean wants a contract, RRRAH....
New York Islanders
Best pick: Aleksander Barkov, Round 1 - GM Jussi Kalmi picked up his ONLY true star in the first round! Good job!
Worst Pick: Colton Parayko, Round 3 - An upcoming UFA that has similar skills as others still left around. Shame, shame!
Team Spirit Animal: Finnish Barking Hound - Barkov to Barkov, over to Barkov, back to Barkov. Barkov, Barkov, Barkov!!!
New York Rangers
Best pick: Connor McDavid, Round 1 - GM Sean McAndrews took no chances here, taking the player better known as "McJesus"...and for a reason.
Worst Pick: Connor McDavid, Round 1 - Really? Leon Draisaitl plays all three positions and can win a faceoff!
Team Spirit Animal: Common Pigeon - It doesn't seem threatening at all, but give its droppings a few years to do their work...
New Jersey Devils
Best pick: Darcy Kuemper, Round 2 - 44 players were picked before the leading Vezina candidate for this season so far. Great grab!
Worst Pick: Keith Yandle, Round 14 - GM Corey Chernuka has very few black marks on his drafting record. But three years from now, if he still has Yandle, he might really regret this pick.
Team Spirit Animal: Left-handed Squid - As a team, I think they have the lowest average ST rating in the league. And their best right winger is also their second line left winger. Trouble on the right, Captain!